Both Sides Now
by Woman-Like Girl
Summary: Kyouya thinks about the things he did not see coming, about the things he didn't and doesn't know. And how wrong he was by thinkig he was not in love with Tamaki. KxTxH Songfic. Pleaseee REVIEW!


**A/N: I so almost cried making this story!! I was listening to the saddest song ( which is the one i used in the fic) - Joni Mitchell; Both sides now. And to think how Kyouya feels...so sad...TT**

**Disclaimer:I don't own Ouran High School Host Club. If I did I would kill Haruhi and make all the yaoi pairings get together as they belong.**

**REVIEW PLEASEEEE!!! FIRST KYOUYA STORY I WROTE.

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**I really don't know.**

The sky was dark and rain started to pour. But nothing mattered to Kyouya. He sat in a bench in the nearby park, thinking about his life and everything that happened in it.

So he was blind after all. He always lived in the shadow and he thought that he could see it all. Everything was clear and simple, he knew before anyone else did. He saw what other didn't and read between the lines. Such things were a piece of cake for him.

And after all this time and knowledge he found himself to be lost. Where did he miss the obvious signs that his King, his everything – though he would never admit so – was in love with Haruhi.

He thought he knew everything but he was wrong. He closed his eyes to the truth and accepted the lie as real. He lived in an illusion, believing that he was not in love with Suoh Tamaki and that he was only his friend because of his last name.

He really doesn't know friendship at all.

_Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air  
and feather canyons everywhere, I've looked at clouds that way.  
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.  
So many things I would have done but clouds got in my way._

He was soaked now. But he didn't care. Rain was an easy way to hide his tears and disappear between the trees and people that were in the park.

He bent forward not wanting a tear to fall in his clothes, though it was raining and he would notice the difference he felt that if anyone saw that particular outfit somehow people would find out he had been crying.

It was a pathetic sight of him. Soaked hair covering his face, hands holding his glasses, his black shirt and jeans were soaked, his upper body wasn't leaning back in the bench, he looked at the floor and for a moment it looked like he could fall.

He swore he would never cry over something stupid as a broken heart. He really doesn't know himself at all.

_I've looked at clouds from both sides now,  
from up and down, and still somehow  
it's cloud illusions I recall.  
I really don't know clouds at all._

He ignored the signs. The signs that said he was in love with Tamaki, and the signs that showed Tamaki is in love with Haruhi. And he could only sigh at the thought because he knows the girl has a deep appreciation for Tamaki.

He leans back in his seat and looks at the sky. He hopes to see the Sun, but there are only clouds in the way - clouds in the way of light. He was doomed to shadow. The moon and the Sun are hidden behind the clouds and he is in the dark.

He never thought that loving someone could heart so much. He believed he was stronger than this. He thought he would survive losing his best friend and loved one to someone else. Someone new.

He really doesn't know strengh at all.

_Moons and Junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel  
as every fairy tale comes real; I've looked at love that way.  
But now it's just another show. You leave 'em laughing when you go  
and if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away._

The pain he was feeling in his heart was too much for him. His face was contorted in pain as tears fell without stop. Like he could somehow cry the pain away; and he hoped he could. But he knew there was no such thing. He would suffer and feel the same pain all the time, stronger by the sight of Tamaki and Haruhi. And he would not be able to cry, not in front of others. So all he did was cry now, cry all he could, get rid of the pain he felt just for now, forget about love just for now.

He never believed that someone would give up life over a lost love. He never believed love made your life more complete and that without it, life was duller.

He really doesn't know love at all.

_I've looked at love from both sides now,  
from give and take, and still somehow  
it's love's illusions I recall.  
I really don't know love at all._

He thought that he could live in a arranged marriage. He thought he could live just for the money and the work. He thought he could live without love.

He was so wrong. And now he wished he had never met Suoh Tamaki. He wished he had never known what is like to love and feel loved by someone. He wished his life was still ignorantly lonely. He would be happy and comfortable in his blissful ignorance. It would be enough for him. But now it wasn't anymore. The life that he was forced to live, the path he was forced to take was no longer enough for Kyouya Ootori.

He really doesn't know life at all.

_Tears and fears and feeling proud, to say "I love you" right out loud,  
dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way.  
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say  
I've changed.  
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day._

He had to go home soon. He could not disappear on his family or have some time alone. No one could even wonder where he was, no one can see him like this - masks down, real Kyouya out. This is a sad and broken Kyouya. A depressed Kyouya, a Kyouya not even Tamaki himself could see. An image he never saw.

They don't know each other at all.

_I've looked at life from both sides now,  
from win and lose, and still somehow  
it's life's illusions I recall.  
I really don't know life at all._

The rain was stopping and Kyouya too. He put his glasses back, along with the powerful masks he always wore. He took a deep breath and tried to dry his face. He would buy new clothes on the way home; he would not go home soaked. He stood up and the old Kyouya was back. The Kyouya everyone was afraid of but admired somehow. The Kyouya that for sometime was happy to be like that…but he was not like that anymore.

He had changed. He was weak and vulnerable, he was in love. And suddenly nothing was enough for him anymore. Not until he had the one he loved safely in his arms. But that would never happen; Tamaki would be forever Haruhi's. And he was lost…without Tamaki he didn't know what to do anymore with his life. He had no reason to live anymore…or that is what he thought. But he could not trust his thoughts anymore, for he was wrong this whole time.

He really doesn't know anything at all.

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**A/N: I may make a sequel out of this but for that to happen I need to know if you like what I wrote so pleaseeeeeeee R&R REVIEW** PLEASEEE!!! 


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